BEYOND ATTENTION-The Malala example

Don’t ask me why I am so obsessed by this Malala of a girl, she’s an epitome of everything I value, stand for and strife to espouse. This 17 year old who commands the attention of the highest and mightiest all over the world dos so neither by shaking her bum-bum nor cladding herself in skimpy, tattered pieces of clothing (in the name of fashion) that evoke sensual feelings because they barely perform the function of clothes. Watch this girl closely and you’ll find no “decoration” (paint or ornamental) on her – all of which has become, howbeit and unfortunately, the bait dangled by ladies, ignorantly or otherwise, to draw attention to themselves – yet she is able to command and commend attention wherever she goes.

 Haven made the above point, I do not in any way posit that women (and men likewise) who use beauty enhancements are progressing in error or have nothing to contribute to life. But it must be stressed however that you will never find in them or in any other external fittings we have crafted as humans, the SUB-STANCE of your being.

Examined closely, the prefix “sub” (that I have created from the word “substance”) connotes a state of being beyond the external (which is what “stance” stands for). Talk about the anterior of a thing or person and you can’t but make reference to the posterior which holds it up. Put simply, the “sub” is the platform upon which you stand to make a statement. The statement is what the world sees which emanates from a source, your “sub”.

Malala has shown that she has a very rich “sub” nay essence and meaning. Her clothes are not just hanging on flesh and bone but on purpose, drive, value, vision, mission and dream.

You cannot compensate for a devalued interior, essence and meaning by way of “cosmetic surgery”. To command attention and be listened to, you must have a rich essence. That is, you must be held up on your feet by the strength of your character, convictions and values that ultimately advance the cause of humanity. That is why I agree with Carl Jung who said that “…the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being”. Malala has devoted her life to just that, casting out the darkness of girl child ignorance wherever she finds one.

You cannot kindle the light of meaning in the darkness of others if your own life has no meaning.

Therefore, beyond the glitz and flashiness of the exterior which fades like vapour, there must be a strong, enduring and value driven interior because in the end, the attention you draw will end up being a façade if not drawn and sustained by a powerful “substructure”.

Be Inspired!

Remain Motivated!

COMMAND ATTENTION- the #Malala example

When I wrote about The Bravado of a 15 Year Old about two years ago, little did I know that that 15 year old, now 17 years old, Malala Yousafzai would one day find a reason to be in Nigeria.

What was this reason that brought her to my country? The reason is simply the reason for her existence. This Pakistani “school girl” as she has come to be known, has dedicated her life to campaign for the right to education for the girl child. She saw this right being threatened in Nigeria by the mindless crusade of Boko Haram; especially in North-East where those who have not been kidnapped or killed (boys and girls alike) live in fear and apprehension, conditions that inhibit learning.

One will not, but be captivated by this young girl as she goes about fulfilling her mission. Her speeches at various fora, canvassing for the girl child-with no less a forum than the United Nations General Assembly-is filled with conviction, passion, duty, dedication, purpose and a high level of responsibility.

If you hope to command attention with what you do, you must do it with a strong believe, enthusiasm and excitement, commitment, high level devotion and determination.

With the afore mentioned qualities that she has nurtured over the years, Malala Yousafzai has been able to command the attention of the leader of the biggest black nation on earth, President Jonathan of Nigeria.

She even got him to make promises concerning the kidnapped school girls that no pressure at home made him do.

Pack these qualities and you’ll command the attention of people in your sphere of influence and beyond.

Be Inspired!

Remain Motivated!

Push-Up

“Fight and push harder for what you believe in, you’d be surprised, you’re stronger than you think” Anonymous

I remember waking up that morning and going through my regular push-ups, sit-ups and stretches. When I finished and had rested, something just pushed me to challenge my friend, Seyi (who hitherto does not exercise) to do 30 proper push-ups with the promise of parting with #1,000 if he could.

Seyi simply burst out laughing at my proposal- not at how little the amount I was offering him was, nor how ridiculously easy the task was- he actually laughed at his perceived inadequacy at meeting the challenge, judging from the fact that he wasn’t a regular at exercises.

Well, he shoved the challenge aside. But I was not going to give up. I teamed up with another friend of ours, Ayo, to urge him to take up the challenge, though in a somewhat sarcastic manner. He finally capitulated.

He heaved a very high sigh of anxiety before going down on all four. Seyi was about to push himself up 30 times; a task he hadn’t done before. He was about to prove himself wrong, to prove me wrong and win the #1,000 prize, against expectations.

So the counting began, 1, 2, 3…7, 8, 9…13, 14…17, 18, 19, 20. At this point he was already showing signs of immense exhaustion; but he needed to finish, he had a point to prove, so he continued, pulling strength from anywhere he could. I saw the veins in his hands, chest, face and legs pop out like they were going to run way from this torture, yet he continued.

Against my expectation, I found myself counting up to 28, 29 and finally, 30. He did it! Yes, without cutting corners he got there. I gave him the #1,000 prize money and he simply collapsed on the spot where the unthinkable had just happened to regain lost strength.

What have you been told you can’t do? Where have you been told you can’t get to? Why have you resigned to defeat without even trying? Stretch yourself, push-up. “One of the greatest discoveries a person makes, one of their great surprises is to find they can do what they were afraid they couldn’t do”- Henry Ford.

Don’t underestimate your capacity to conquer; you only need to push yourself up. So my friend, “…without effort, you cannot be prosperous. Though the land be good, you cannot have an abundant crop without cultivation”. Plato

Be Inspired!

Remain Motivated!

Emotional Intelligence-Relationship Management

“One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody”- Mother Theresa

Human beings are relational beings. In his lifetime, a human being would have formed relationships and connections at home, work, school, worship centers and just about any other place where he comes into contact with other human beings as he strives to make something of his life.

While some of these relationships bring happiness and a sense of belonging, others are a source of anguish and pain that result, sometimes, in hatred for fellow human beings.

How do you manage relationships such as will bring you mutual benefits with others while minimizing frictions?

1.   You must develop the earlier discussed core competencies of emotional intelligence i.e. self-awareness, self-management and other awareness.

2.   You need to trust others to work effectively and exist with them. In doing this, you must strike the right balance between trusting too much and not trusting at all.

3.   You must be in control of your own emotions to work effectively with other people. You must learn to be in charge of your emotions and not the other way so you can choose when and how you express them.

4.   Be prepared to manage conflicts. Your goal in any relationship is not to avoid conflicts, but to deal with them in a calm and respectful way when they arise. However, before conflicts emerge, recognize your hot buttons-things that can set you off emotionally-also recognize the hot buttons of the people around you.

5.   Recognize that as human beings we need some measure of interdependence to maximize our potentials. Nonetheless, there comes a time when it is necessary for us to work independently. It is worth knowing when to strike the balance.

Be Inspired!

Remain Motivated!

References

Sparrow, T. and Knight, A. (2006) Applied Emotional Intelligence- The Importance of Attitudes in Developing Emotional Intelligence, John Wiley & Sons Ltd.

Stein, J.S (2009) Emotional Intelligence for Dummies. John Wiley & Sons Ltd, Canada.

Emotional Intelligence- Other Awareness

Being aware of other people goes beyond just acknowledging their physical presence anywhere we find them. Being aware of other people involves how we recognize and respond to their emotional states.

There are several ways to be aware of other people. You might have been doing some of them unconsciously but all of them can be taught and learnt.

I will discuss some of the ways of being aware of other people that I have learnt, practiced and seen work.

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary¹, “Awareness” has to do with feeling, experiencing, or noticing something (such as a sound, sensation, or emotion). I would like to stretch this definition by adding that in the area of emotional intelligence, you must be able to achieve all of these at the same time, as it concerns relating with other people, hence, my submission that the ability to be aware of other people is the ability to CONNECT with them.

How do you go about connecting with other people?

MEET THEM: Meet them where they are if such an opportunity presents itself. The ability to be proactive in dealing with people is a most priced asset. However, you must not act proactively unless you have cues to that effect. It is usually better and more rewarding to meet people at the point of their need than the other way round.

SHOW EMPATHY: This is stretching being proactive a bit further. When you empathize with people, you are putting yourself in their shoes. It is your ability to identify the other person’s thoughts and feelings. However, it is important to understand the subtle difference between sympathy and empathy. While the former refers to how you feel about someone else; involving the use of an “I” sentence such as, “I feel sad about your husband’s illness”, the latter is the ability you have to demonstrate that you understand what another person is feeling and it involves a “YOU” sentence such as, “You must be feeling angry about what that woman said to you”².

LEAVE PREJUDICE: Nothing lowers expectations from, and the ability to connect with others genuinely than judgments and opinions you form about them before meeting them. Prejudice is a wall between you and others. The only way of dismantling this wall is with an open mind. Without being open minded, you cannot connect with people.

ADD VALUE: Nobody will want to waste their time with someone who will not help them appreciate in value. You will be the darling of anybody in whose life you constantly add value and who anticipates you’re bringing value to their life. You can add value in words and concrete actions.

STAY CONNECTED: If you move the dial on a radio set, you will move frequencies and transmissions coming from radio stations. Reinforce the connections you have with others by remaining on the same frequency as they.

Be inspired!

Remain Motivated!

References:

Merriam-Webster Dictionary, Android Application.

Stein, J.S (2009) Emotional Intelligence for Dummies. John Wiley & Sons Ltd, Canada.