Push-Up

“Fight and push harder for what you believe in, you’d be surprised, you’re stronger than you think” Anonymous

I remember waking up that morning and going through my regular push-ups, sit-ups and stretches. When I finished and had rested, something just pushed me to challenge my friend, Seyi (who hitherto does not exercise) to do 30 proper push-ups with the promise of parting with #1,000 if he could.

Seyi simply burst out laughing at my proposal- not at how little the amount I was offering him was, nor how ridiculously easy the task was- he actually laughed at his perceived inadequacy at meeting the challenge, judging from the fact that he wasn’t a regular at exercises.

Well, he shoved the challenge aside. But I was not going to give up. I teamed up with another friend of ours, Ayo, to urge him to take up the challenge, though in a somewhat sarcastic manner. He finally capitulated.

He heaved a very high sigh of anxiety before going down on all four. Seyi was about to push himself up 30 times; a task he hadn’t done before. He was about to prove himself wrong, to prove me wrong and win the #1,000 prize, against expectations.

So the counting began, 1, 2, 3…7, 8, 9…13, 14…17, 18, 19, 20. At this point he was already showing signs of immense exhaustion; but he needed to finish, he had a point to prove, so he continued, pulling strength from anywhere he could. I saw the veins in his hands, chest, face and legs pop out like they were going to run way from this torture, yet he continued.

Against my expectation, I found myself counting up to 28, 29 and finally, 30. He did it! Yes, without cutting corners he got there. I gave him the #1,000 prize money and he simply collapsed on the spot where the unthinkable had just happened to regain lost strength.

What have you been told you can’t do? Where have you been told you can’t get to? Why have you resigned to defeat without even trying? Stretch yourself, push-up. “One of the greatest discoveries a person makes, one of their great surprises is to find they can do what they were afraid they couldn’t do”- Henry Ford.

Don’t underestimate your capacity to conquer; you only need to push yourself up. So my friend, “…without effort, you cannot be prosperous. Though the land be good, you cannot have an abundant crop without cultivation”. Plato

Be Inspired!

Remain Motivated!

Emotional Intelligence-Relationship Management

“One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody”- Mother Theresa

Human beings are relational beings. In his lifetime, a human being would have formed relationships and connections at home, work, school, worship centers and just about any other place where he comes into contact with other human beings as he strives to make something of his life.

While some of these relationships bring happiness and a sense of belonging, others are a source of anguish and pain that result, sometimes, in hatred for fellow human beings.

How do you manage relationships such as will bring you mutual benefits with others while minimizing frictions?

1.   You must develop the earlier discussed core competencies of emotional intelligence i.e. self-awareness, self-management and other awareness.

2.   You need to trust others to work effectively and exist with them. In doing this, you must strike the right balance between trusting too much and not trusting at all.

3.   You must be in control of your own emotions to work effectively with other people. You must learn to be in charge of your emotions and not the other way so you can choose when and how you express them.

4.   Be prepared to manage conflicts. Your goal in any relationship is not to avoid conflicts, but to deal with them in a calm and respectful way when they arise. However, before conflicts emerge, recognize your hot buttons-things that can set you off emotionally-also recognize the hot buttons of the people around you.

5.   Recognize that as human beings we need some measure of interdependence to maximize our potentials. Nonetheless, there comes a time when it is necessary for us to work independently. It is worth knowing when to strike the balance.

Be Inspired!

Remain Motivated!

References

Sparrow, T. and Knight, A. (2006) Applied Emotional Intelligence- The Importance of Attitudes in Developing Emotional Intelligence, John Wiley & Sons Ltd.

Stein, J.S (2009) Emotional Intelligence for Dummies. John Wiley & Sons Ltd, Canada.

Emotional Intelligence- Other Awareness

Being aware of other people goes beyond just acknowledging their physical presence anywhere we find them. Being aware of other people involves how we recognize and respond to their emotional states.

There are several ways to be aware of other people. You might have been doing some of them unconsciously but all of them can be taught and learnt.

I will discuss some of the ways of being aware of other people that I have learnt, practiced and seen work.

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary¹, “Awareness” has to do with feeling, experiencing, or noticing something (such as a sound, sensation, or emotion). I would like to stretch this definition by adding that in the area of emotional intelligence, you must be able to achieve all of these at the same time, as it concerns relating with other people, hence, my submission that the ability to be aware of other people is the ability to CONNECT with them.

How do you go about connecting with other people?

MEET THEM: Meet them where they are if such an opportunity presents itself. The ability to be proactive in dealing with people is a most priced asset. However, you must not act proactively unless you have cues to that effect. It is usually better and more rewarding to meet people at the point of their need than the other way round.

SHOW EMPATHY: This is stretching being proactive a bit further. When you empathize with people, you are putting yourself in their shoes. It is your ability to identify the other person’s thoughts and feelings. However, it is important to understand the subtle difference between sympathy and empathy. While the former refers to how you feel about someone else; involving the use of an “I” sentence such as, “I feel sad about your husband’s illness”, the latter is the ability you have to demonstrate that you understand what another person is feeling and it involves a “YOU” sentence such as, “You must be feeling angry about what that woman said to you”².

LEAVE PREJUDICE: Nothing lowers expectations from, and the ability to connect with others genuinely than judgments and opinions you form about them before meeting them. Prejudice is a wall between you and others. The only way of dismantling this wall is with an open mind. Without being open minded, you cannot connect with people.

ADD VALUE: Nobody will want to waste their time with someone who will not help them appreciate in value. You will be the darling of anybody in whose life you constantly add value and who anticipates you’re bringing value to their life. You can add value in words and concrete actions.

STAY CONNECTED: If you move the dial on a radio set, you will move frequencies and transmissions coming from radio stations. Reinforce the connections you have with others by remaining on the same frequency as they.

Be inspired!

Remain Motivated!

References:

Merriam-Webster Dictionary, Android Application.

Stein, J.S (2009) Emotional Intelligence for Dummies. John Wiley & Sons Ltd, Canada.

Emotional Intelligence- Self Management

In the last article, we looked at self-awareness as an emotional intelligence competence. We saw that there are three questions you must answer to be on your way to self-awareness- who am i? Where am i? What matters to me? This is where it starts, and from here, we transit to self -management.

What does it mean to manage self?

Self-management is the ability to manage your emotions so they don’t become a stumbling block on your way to success. This ability will help you turn your emotion into an asset. Emotion wrongly handled can become a liability.

According to Sparrow, T. and Knight, A. (2006), you need the following for effective self-management:

     i.          Mood management

   ii.          Self-motivation

 iii.          Dealing with setbacks

 iv.          Using your intuition

   v.          Managing your energy

 vi.          Dealing with stress

vii.          Avoiding depression and addictive behaviour

Mood Management

Your mood is your conscious state of mind or predominant emotion (Marriam-Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus). If you have the mood that’s most productive for your work or other areas of your life, you feel like you are in control instead of being controlled. Feeling that sense of control improves your attitude towards your job and life in general.

Self-Motivation

This is a very useful tool in self-management. Since motivation is the ability to remain in motion, it is important to develop this competence. Utilizing the power and energy of one’s emotions leads to high motivation, and improves problem solving and decision making.

Dealing with setbacks

For effective self-management, you must be able to deal with those periods when there are backward movements instead of forward motion. Unless you have resigned to a state of hopelessness and utter helplessness, review the experience of the setback; learn what is supportive as you look into the future.

Using your intuition

Your intuition is that ability that comes to you once in a while for quick and ready insight. It is an ability that can be very useful when you have to make decisions on the spot or be creative. It is an ability you need for effective self-management.

Managing your energy

Energy sets things in motion and also halts things in motion. It creates and re-creates and can be an agent of destruction; interestingly, energy exists everywhere even in you. The implication of this is that with energy comes responsibility, that is, the ability to manage it for productivity and performance.

Dealing with stress

One way of looking at stress that I’ve come to appreciate a lot is by Dr Concorde’s definition of it using a formula. The formula is:

It can be interpreted to mean that stress arises when the demands on and within the human system exceed resources in any given timeframe. Struggling to deliver when clearly the demands on you is not up to your ability to deliver will create a dysfunction in your interior and exterior with dire consequences.

Avoiding depression and addictive behaviour

Depression hurts.  it’s  the  "black  dog"  of  the night that  robs you of  joy,  the  unquiet  mind that  keeps you  awake.  It’s a  noonday  demon  that  only  you  can  see,  the  darkness  visible  only to  you. A depressed person is emotionally unintelligent. He can harm himself or someone else. On the other hand, addiction, which is a close relative of depression, can be described as behaviour motivated by emotions that leads from cravings to compulsion and loss of control over behaviour. Imagine the things that could happen to one if one losses control over one’s behaviour.

These are the ingredients you need for self-management which is an emotional intelligence competence that comes after being self-aware.

Be inspired!

Remain Motivated!

Reference

Cafourek J. (2009) Breaking Free From Addiction. The Good News Magazine.

Caldwell S. and Gravett L. (2009) Using Your Emotional Intelligence To Develop Others. Palgrave Macmillan, New York.

Hornor N. (1998) Breaking Free From Addiction. The GoodNews Magazine.

Neale S. et al (2009) Emotional Intelligence Coaching: Improving performance for Leaders, Coaches and the Individual. Kogan Page, London.

Sparrow, T. and Knight, A. (2006) Applied Emotional Intelligence- The Importance of Attitudes in Developing Emotional Intelligence, John Wiley & Sons Ltd.

Schurman S. (2004) How to Stop Depression Now. Sursel Internet Marketing, LLC.

Stein S. (2009) Emotional Intelligence for Dummies. John Wiley and Sons, Canada

Williams M, et al (2007) The Mindful Way Through Depression. The Guilford Press, New York.